Thursday, May 7, 2015

Chunky Brain Gunk 1

Right now I am "reading" some weird thing via #audiobook. It's called Sci-Fi Channels Presents: Seeing Ear Theatre Dramatization of the History of the Devil. It's by Clive Barker. I think I discovered in on Overdrive by searching Clive Barker's name looking for his new book, The Scarlet Gospels. (BTW, Does anyone else call all authors by their full name in order to avoid sounding too friendly and too formal? Just me? Ok.). As indicated in the title, its a cast of people acting out a story. The Devil is on trial, in front of a jury of spirits, in order to determine if he has served enough time here on Earth and should be allowed back into the City of God. Also, as you might imagine if you know anything a bout the Sci- Fi Channel, Clive Barker, or the Devil, some weird shit is happening. It's well worth the 4 audio tracks, so far. I'm going to look up the Neil Gaiman one next.

You know how some people seem really cool and you just want to be with them and hug them and love them and stuff. And then they turn into a big jerk and you just want them to never be heard from again. Hopefully, you haven't had a child with them before you find out. I'm just saying.

I give my neighor 2 more days until he comes over and asks me 1) if there is something wrong with my lawn mower and/or 2) when I plan to take care of my yard. Bonus points if he offers, yet again, the sage advice: "Home ownership is a lot of work." ::shaking his head:: "I mean A LOT of work."

Last night I was talking to my 18 year old daughter about IUDs. I believe that all girls with the prospect of being sexually active should have some form of you-don-have-to-think-about-it-everyday contraception. She told me that a friend of hers (male) said that he can FEEL the IUD during sex. Now, I'm no expert. But he is a fucking liar. Or, his girlfriend needs an appointment at the doc's. Stat... OK, I just looked it up online... it is possible, and he might be feeling the strings hanging out, not the plastic itself... and there should be no discomfort... Ok. NOW I'm and expert.  [side note, do NOT google pictures for "uterus hanging out. Don't.]

Here's one of the exercised from the Creative Journaling workshop I'm taking at Writers and Books.

Prompt: Create a dialogue between you and something that makes you feel uncomfortable (e.g., grief, faith, food, etc)

Me: Yay! I can do whatever I want! I'm a grownup!
Health: Don't eat that.
Me: I can eat whatever I want. I'm a grownup now!
Health: And get a doctor.
Me: You can't tell me what to do.
Health: And when was the last time you exercised?
Me: I walked to the fridge not 10 minutes ago!
Health: You need to be an example for your children. And you want to be around for them, right?
Me: You're kind of a drag.
Health: Whatever. Look. I know it sucks. But you're getting older. Taking care of yourself is important.
Me: I'm not THAT old. I have plenty of time.
Health: But what kind of time do you want it to be?
Me: A time of happiness, and love and laughter. Good times.
Health: Not a time of weezing and shortness of breath.
Me: I know, I know. You're right. I'm going to make some changes.
Health: Don't eat that!

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